In Loving Memory of Roy

This story, told by daughter Chloe in October 2024, is in loving memory of Roy who passed away at home, in November 2024.

It’s so awful to watch dad deteriorate and to see him in this condition. He was always so much fun, adventurous, curious, and an avid reader. From a little boy, he had a love of boats and the sea, it was on a ship that he met my mum when he was a passenger, and she was the purser. Dad loved to travel and worked in the travel industry. The year before mum was diagnosed with cancer, they fulfilled their dream of going on a four-month around-the-world cruise. Mum and dad had been married just over 40 years when she died four years ago, aged 62. My dad, who is 74, now has a rare neurogenerative condition that has been rapidly getting worse. We first noticed symptoms back in 2020.

Roy

Bluebird Care was recommended to Chloe by a friend who uses their services for her grandad. Roy started with three visits a week in July 2023 and from January 2024 this was increased to Live- in Care, where Roy had two Live-in Care Experts. 

It means Dad gets the help, care and reassurance he needs, and I can still have the chance to live my life and work.

I have three jobs. I’m an actor, I run my own massage therapy business and occasionally I temp on reception at a doctors’ surgery.

Life with Live-in Care

This condition is so hideous, and he may not last another six months. It affects his limbs, and it has become difficult for him to do most tasks without help. His speech has been affected and he can’t walk more than two or three steps. 

It was important to me that the carers understood and had the knowledge and skills to support his needs, things will continue to get harder for him. The carers take care of him day in and day out. They wash and dress him. They prepare his food, feed him, and change him. He is on a specialist ventilator at night and the night carer monitors that and his oxygen levels. 

At first dad was apprehensive about having someone living in his home but now he’s used to it and regularly calls the carers’ my dear friend.’ He recognises they’re here to help him and he enjoys and appreciates their company and care. 

Dad gets scared about going into a care home and says: ‘They aren’t going to take my Bluebird away, are they? Please don’t let them.’ He knows he’s safe and taken care of. I think he would just give up if I put him in a care home.

Final Wishes

Dad wants to be able to spend his final time surrounded by memories, in the home he has lived in for 25 years and with the familiarity that brings him comfort.

His wish is to stay at home and to die at home, it’s what he knows. His last memories of mum are there, and the memories of happier times. We moved to the three-bedroom house when I was nine, our two cats are buried in the back garden and my mum adored it.

Dad has massively struggled with mum’s death. Some of her ashes are on his mantlepiece, just behind a photograph of them together on one of their last cruises. In the house there are pictures of dad and mum on their travels, photographs of them going up Table Mountain and dad riding camels in Egypt. There are framed menus on the stairwell and all sorts of little trinkets that they collected over the years. 

Dad doesn’t want to be surrounded by stuff he doesn’t know and people he doesn’t know. The carers have become like friends to me. It’s important I can talk to Cynthia and Velapie - I have someone who understands. I’m 36, and a young carer, and it’s very lonely. 

It’s a massive relief to have Bluebird Care helping me.

Bluebird Care has helped fight my corner every step and if it wasn’t for them helping to support me, I don’t think we would now have some things in place that mean my dad is finally getting the help and support he needs. They’ve been so good. I can be more of a daughter than a carer to my dad in these last few months and that means a lot.

Our Care Team

Cynthia and Velaphie are lovely. My dad is originally from South Africa, I believe Cynthia is from Zimbabwe and I think Velaphie is from Namibia, they can chat Afrikaans to each other which is nice. They really take good care of him, I trust them and know I don’t have to worry while they’re with him, he’s in good hands. Both are both warm and bubbly. They watch TV with him and try to see if they help him to do art, they read with him and listen to audiobooks. 

They comfort him too. They sit and hold his hand when he’s upset, stressed and sad. We know dad is struggling with how quickly his body is changing and giving up on him. The disease has made him very scared. The carers do their best to be as light as they can, and they listen to him and make him feel heard and understood. They chat to him and tell him stories and he tells them stories too. He can talk about the past, about nicer times.

It’s nice to see them having a laugh and joking with him.  It’s so lovely to see him laugh. 

For a second it feels like I might have a bit of my old  dad back again.  

The carers are always telling me not to worry. I went away on a girls’ weekend for the first time in ages and they said: ‘you need to go; we’ll take care of him.’ They really do care about dad. They’ve been upset along with me when there’s been a severe progression. 

Roy - looking after you since July 2023 was the greatest honour. You had a heart of gold, you always knew when I was calling as you would say your jailbird was here. We shared many fond memories, many laughs, many tears and embraced your care journey together. From supporting you and your family together we became a team and gave you the best care we could. We will all miss you.

Kayley Ginn, Registered Care Manager.